The Colors Within
by Kariza Elquen
Summary: Nepeta has always loved Karkat, but who will she turn to when the pain of loving him gives her the strength to move on? *I do not own the image, Homestuck, or copyrighted items in the text*
1. Chapter 1: Heartbreak

The lights flashed on.

Nepeta hissed and threw the covers over her head, shielding her eyes. As she gain consciousness, she was aware of the heavy footfalls near her bed, and the feeling of a hand gently shaking her awake.

"Nepeta!" she heard Equius say, worry in his tone of voice. "You've got to get up. It's late. If you stay in bed too long you won't be able to sleep tonight."

She merely buried deeper under the blankets. As she was waking up, she began to remember, and the heartache once again became overwhelming. It felt like iron claws were gripping at her heart.

There was a pause as Equius noticed her tear-stained pillow. Slowly, he sat down on the mattress next to her, and carefully pulled down the sheets until the top of her head was exposed. He stroked her hair, wondering what was wrong. He had heard her storm in late last night, but had been too tired to talk to her. As Equius sat there, he glanced around the room. A lamp was toppled, Nepeta's chalk collection was in disarray, and her blue hat hung limply from a bed post.

Finally, Nepeta peeked up at Equius with big, shining eyes. He mouthed, "What's wrong?"

Nepeta heaved herself into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard. Her hair hung forward as olive-colored tears leaked silently down her face. Equius reached over and tenderly tilted her chin up. Nepeta took a deep, shuddering breath and whispered a single word.

"Karkat."


	2. Chapter 2: Memory

Nepeta collapsed quickly into a heap of sobs and heartbreak, while Equius' mind filled with hatred for the pathetic troll who had hurt his moirail. His eyes narrowed, and unbeknownst to him, the fingers he was running through Nepeta's hair moved more harshly and violently.

Nepeta squeaked as he dug his fingernails into her scalp, and Equius snapped back to reality and apologized profusely. But Nepeta had already returned to her cycle of sob-gasp-sob-gasp, any physical pain dimming in the presence of the fire burning inside of her.

"Nepeta," Equius murmured once he regained control of his temper, "what caused this?"

Falling into a new pattern of sob-gasp-speak-sob-gasp-speak, Nepeta shuddered out her story, the images flooding through her brain.

She had visited Terezi's room the previous night, after her teal-blooded friend had summoned her via Trollian. Skipping through the hallways, Nepeta had passed Karkat, and managed a blush and a greeting to the matesprit of her dreams. She had arrived in Terezi's room, still thinking about Karkat, when Terezi had pulled her onto the plush couch. In a low, excited voice, Terezi told Nepeta her news, not knowing the effect it would have on her friend.

"Karkat and I decided to try again."

Everything had frozen, and Nepeta was struggling to catch her breath when Karkat appeared in the doorway. He nodded ever so slightly to Nepeta before disregarding her and striding over to Terezi to give her a peck on the cheek.

Nepeta didn't remember running out, but she must have, because next thing she knew she was crouching in the air vents, nauseated and heartbroken. Finally, she tumbled out of the vents outside of her room, burst through the door, and fell into bed.

Pulled into the present by the feeling of Equius gently stroking her hair, Nepeta grabbed onto her moirail and pulled him into the strangling hug of a girl in love, which few can endure, no matter how STRONG.

"She took him back!" Nepeta choked out, burying her head in Equius' shoulder. He patted her gingerly on the back, as she whispered to herself.

"She took him back."


	3. Chapter 3: The Clown

Nepeta knew that Equius was doing his best to comfort her, and she appreciated that more than she could say. However, as she picked through the soggy breakfast-in-bed he had attempted to make for her, she grew hungrier and hungrier. Finally, she dragged herself out of bed to find herself still fully clothed from the night before. After attempting to calm her hair somewhat but eventually just squashing it down under her blue hat, she padded into Equius' room.

Her moirail looked up from the robot pieces he was fiddling with, and looked pleased to see her out of bed. Nepeta ran to hug Equius, and thanked him. He patted her gingerly on the head.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked. She nodded, and he walked her to the front door, not prying, but telling her to be careful. Once alone in the hallway, Nepeta climbed through the grate she kept unbolted for easy access and began to crawl her way throughout the asteroid. She often traveled using the air vents, as they were empty and, quite frankly, fun!

As she crawled along, trying to clear her head, she listened to the sound of her tail swishing against the metal and the air swooshing through the passages. She began to lose herself to her train of thought, but knew she had arrived at her destination when her musings were penetrated by the sound of someone humming.

Nepeta peeked through a familiar grate, and saw Gamzee busying himself in his kitchen. Whatever he was making smelled good, and she was so hungry, so Nepeta found herself letting out an involuntary meow.

Gamzee paused in his work, stopping his humming to listen. When he turned around, Nepeta could see his clown make-up was somewhat smeared, but his alert eyes were a sign that he hadn't eaten too much pie recently. Nepeta was glad he was sober, and pushed the grate off the wall. Her clown friend smiled, set a pan down, and strode across the room to help her down. Nepeta fell into Gamzee's arms and hugged him tightly.

"Hey, Nepeta, how's it motherfuckin' going?" Gamzee greeted, setting her down in a chair pulled up to a small table and resuming his work.

"Um, it's going all right, I guess," Nepeta answered, looking around the room.

"Well, that's just motherfuckin' grand. You hungry?" he asked, to which Nepeta nodded enthusiastically. "Well, how about I help you get your full on, then. I was just making this human dish called scrambled eggs. It's a breakfast food, but I woke up motherfuckin' late today."

"That's okay, I did too," Nepeta responded, and purred happily a few minutes later when Gamzee set a plate of something warm and yellow in front of her. He sat down across from her and they both tentatively took a bite.

"Mmm, you know, I think those humans might be motherfuckin' on to something," Gamzee noted appreciatively. Nepeta agreed through a mouth stuffed with food.

"So what brings you to my place besides hunger, my friend? I'm thinking that you don't completely have your happy on today."

Nepeta swallowed a large bite. "Um, yeah. I'm pretty upset, because, well. You know I like Karkat, right?"

The smile disappeared off of Gamzee's face and he nodded slowly. Nepeta wasn't used to seeing him frown, but at least she knew that Gamzee was taking her situation seriously.

"Well, I went over to see Terezi last night, and it turns out that…that she and Karkat are…back together," Nepeta finished, her throat tightening up once more. When she looked up, she thought she saw a flash of a grin on Gamzee's face, but it was gone so fast that she spoke through it. "And…I just don't know what to do."

Gamzee's chair screeched against the floor as he stood up and walked around the table to Nepeta. She stood too, and the clown enveloped her in a hug, his chin just barely touching the top of her head.

"Aw, Nepeta, that's just motherfuckin' sad. I'm sorry about that." Nepeta snuggled into Gamzee's chest, and the pain that was still constantly eating away at her heart lessened somewhat. She thought of Equius, and was glad that she had so many good friends that were willing to comfort her when she needed it.


	4. Chapter 4: Depictions

The scrambled eggs were warm and comforting in Nepeta's stomach, and she was still tired. It was for these reasons that she opted to avoid the harsh coldness of the metal air vents and instead lethargically meandered through the hallways back to her room.

As Nepeta wandered, her mind did as well, thinking about her shipping wall. She planned to create some new ships when she returned, possibly involving Gamzee. She had realized over breakfast with him that she hadn't really shipped him much with anyone at all.

"Purrhaps a matespritship with Tavros," she mused quietly to herself, "or a even a moirallegiance with Karkat." Thinking about it now, it seemed so obvious, she wondered why she hadn't shipped it earlier. It occurred to her that the reason she didn't have many Gamzee ships was because he didn't strike her as the relationship type.

She shook her head at that thought, no matter how it persisted. "Everybody has to love!" she exclaimed, while rounding a corner and bumping into someone coming fast the other way.

Nepeta fell backwards, bracing herself with her hands but still landing uncomfortably on her tail. "Shit, sorry Nepeta," she heard a familiar voice say. Her cheeks blushed olive as she slowly looked up to behold the face of her flushed crush.

"Oh, hi Karkat," Nepeta managed, waiting for him to offer his hand to help her up. He didn't. Slightly peeved, she pushed herself onto her feet. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" she asked.

"I'm just heading over to Terezi's," Karkat said, beginning to brush past her. Nepeta clenched her fists and looked down.

"Oh!" she responded, perhaps much too loudly. "Well, I hope you have a good time." A note of bitterness crept into her voice, no matter how hard she tried to contain it. Karkat looked at her strangely as he walked away.

Nepeta stood there steaming, when she felt a large hand grip her shoulder. She spun around to see Gamzee standing behind her. She was surprised to see him. He almost never left his room.

"Careful, sis," Gamzee warned. "Don't all up and get your jealous on, it's motherfuckin' lame." Nepeta scratched the back of her head, annoyed.

"What do you want, Gamzee?" she hissed. Her friend backed away and held up his hands, offering her a small container with something yellow inside.

"I had some leftover scrambled eggs, so I thought you might want some more, in case you get hungry later," he explained, looking at the wall. Nepeta immediately felt bad about giving him a hard time, and politely accepted the container. They stood quietly for a minute, facing each other, Nepeta trying to read Gamzee's expression and Gamzee twiddling his thumbs. Finally he said, "Well, see you, sis," and strode away, lanky arms swinging.

Nepeta cocked her head to one side before turning and walking away. She wondered what had caused Gamzee to act so compassionate and awkward all of a sudden. Then she slapped herself in the forehead, getting a weird look from Eridan as he passed without so much as a nod. Of course Gamzee pitied her, what with her bad luck with Karkat.

She finally arrived back home, loudly greeting Equius, who mumbled a hello, being ever engrossed in his robotics work. In the end, Nepeta ended up back in her shipping room, equipped with her chalk and paints. She stared up at the wall and searched for drawings of Gamzee, but did not find a single one. So she picked up her paintbrush and got to work.

Having never depicted Gamzee before, she struggled to correctly capture the outline of his chin, the curve of his horns, and the wildness of his hair. After acceptably completing his head, she set to work on the hardest part, the face. She couldn't decide what expression to give Gamzee for the longest time, due to his tendency at mood swings. After being unable to settle on any of his silly, mindless, or murderous countenances, she finally drew him as she would want to see him most: happy. She carefully painted a smile and wide eyes. Sitting back on her haunches to admire her work, she encountered yet another problem.

Who to draw him with?


	5. Chapter 5: Confirmation

Nepeta roamed the air vents, pausing at various grates to peer inside their rooms. She heard some noises up ahead, and went to investigate. Looking through the bars into what she now saw was Terezi's room, her eyes widened at what she saw: Terezi and her love Karkat, intertwined on the couch and kissing passionately. Nepeta fell back against the cold, unforgiving walls of the air vent, gasping as fat tears welled up in her eyes and her heart hurt so bad she wanted to die…

…but instead, she woke up.

Nepeta rocketed out of bed, throwing the covers to the side and barely wincing as her bare feet hit the floor with a hard smack. Once standing, she didn't know what to do, and stood there frozen for a long time.

She mulled over what she had dreamt and collapsed back on her bed, her body now shaking. The pain in her chest that had decreased into a constant, dull ache was back, and as poignant as ever. All Nepeta really wanted was a saucer of warm, comforting milk, but there was none on the godforsaken asteroid, because Equius had wasted it all by breaking glass after glass.

Suddenly filled with a tempting wanderlust, Nepeta grabbed her blue hat and tiptoed out the door and into the hallway. It was dark, and Nepeta felt a little scared, so she ducked into the air vents and crawled along. She couldn't help it; she felt herself heading in the direction of Terezi's room.

In the dark, it was a little hard to see, but after blinking forcefully once or twice, Nepeta could make out the form of Terezi sleeping soundly in her bed, alone. Nepeta breathed the sigh of relief she had been holding since she woke up, and continued on her way.

She had conflicting feelings about Terezi. Because of her relationship with Karkat, Nepeta half wanted to hate Terezi. But she found it hard to do so, because after all, Terezi was her friend. And on top of that, Terezi didn't know how Nepeta felt about Karkat. Her actions were, essentially, blameless. Often, Nepeta wondered what would happen if she told Terezi what she was going through. But she knew she could never put Terezi in such a compromising position, no matter how much it hurt.

After a while, Nepeta found herself at her second destination. Peering through the gate, what she saw took her breath away, as it did every time. Karkat Vantas.

He was asleep in his bed, just like Terezi. Nepeta wondered if they were dreaming of each other, but quickly pushed the unpleasant thought away.

Nepeta watched him for a while, monitoring the rise and fall of his chest. He was dead asleep. Quietly, she removed the grate from the wall and placed it on the floor of the air vent. The almost silent clink of metal on metal did not stir the sleeping troll.

Feeling guilty and scared but pushed on by a penetrating sense of longing, Nepeta slunk into Karkat's room and slowly inched her way up to his bed, still-bare feet padding across the deep red carpet. When she was just a foot away, she stopped. From here, she could see the details. The slope of his nose, the angle of his horns, the tone of his skin. But something was different. Was it the darkness? No. His hair, mussed by the pillow? No. Then it hit her. Karkat wasn't frowning.

His eyebrows rested lightly above his eyes, almost as if they were floating. He was so innocent this way, so pure. How Nepeta yearned to crawl into bed alongside him, touch her nose to his, trace the outline of his chin, embrace him, and have him love her back.

So filled with these fantasies, her guard dropped, and she failed to notice his breathing grow irregular until it was too late. All she could do was take a step back and watch the transformation.

The peaceful look on Karkat's face disappeared as his eyebrows snapped back into a frown, and when his eyes opened, they focused on her form almost immediately, despite the prevalent darkness. Karkat was out of bed in a flash, and flicked his lamp on.

In the dim lighting, Nepeta noticed a curve of metal in Karkat's right hand, and suppressed a smile. _He sleeps with his sickle?_ she thought. He was so prepared and poised to strike, even just emerging from the precipice of sleep. Nepeta fought the urge to cuddle the anger and fear right out of him.

Karkat recovered from the shock quickly, and dropped the sickle back on the bed, but the anger stayed on his face. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" he exclaimed loudly. Unfortunately, this was around the time Nepeta noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt, so she had some difficulty forming a cohesive sentence.

"Um."

"WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM?" Karkat continued. "GET OUT!" It occurred to Nepeta, very slowly, that he wasn't being very polite. Frozen to the spot, Nepeta made no move to follow Karkat's orders. Seeing this, Karkat lunged forward and grabbed her by the wrist. Surprised, Nepeta lost her footing and tumbled backwards. Karkat let her go, and she fell to the floor, hitting her head on the wall.

"NEPETA, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" he roared. Now slightly frightened, Nepeta eased her claws out just a bit.

"OH, THAT'S CUTE," Karkat yelled, and began to mimic her with a slightly higher voice. "LOOK AT ME! I'M NEPETA LEJION, AND I'M PAAAAAWSITIVELY ADORABLE! SO DON'T MIND ME WHEN I SNEAK THROUGH THE AIRVENTS AND CREEP INTO YOUR ROOM AT FUCKING MIDNIGHT!"

Nepeta pushed herself up and slowly approached Karkat, shaking slightly. "Karkat, listen…"

"NO, YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!" Karkat cut her off, grabbing her by the shoulders and yelling directly into her face. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PLAYING AT, BUT LEAVE ME OUT OF IT, YOU AUTISTIC CAT-TROLL!"

This close, Nepeta could examine his eyes. What she saw there drowned her in sadness. She had considered this before, but not really, because she didn't want to believe it. But Karkat's eyes confirmed her theory beyond a shadow of a doubt. Hatred for the world, yourself, and everyone else that intense was a hatred that could never be cured.

And Nepeta couldn't live with that.


	6. Chapter 6: An Idea

Nepeta stared at Karkat, who had paused in his yelling to catch his breath. But he never got to continue, because she wrenched herself from his grasp and re-entered the air vents, placing the grate back in its rightful home. Nepeta glanced back at Karkat, who was watching her carefully, and smiled weakly. When he failed to return the gesture, as expected, she disappeared into the twists and turns of the air vents.

Something boiled in Nepeta's stomach, something unfamiliar. But she welcomed it, because it was strong enough to make the pain in her heart go away. She meant to return to her room, possibly wake Equius and receive a nice hug, but the something in her stomach distracted her to the point of making her lose her way.

When she was fully and completely lost, she stopped. Without the swishing of her tail and the scraping of her claws, still partly out, against the floor of the air vent, Nepeta could hear. She focused on the sound of the air whooshing through the passages, and detected another noise, occasionally permeating that of the first.

Nepeta took a sharp right and headed in that direction. As the sound grew louder, Nepeta realized where she was, and found herself peeking into Gamzee's room. The source of the noise was easily located. The clown troll was rampaging around his room, destroying things left and right. His makeup was smeared into a mess of white and grey, and there was a fire in his eyes.

Finally, Nepeta recognized the fire boiling in her stomach. Anger. She was angry. She was angry at Karkat for causing her so much pain and letting her down.

Nepeta watched as Gamzee flipped a table, kicked a chair, slammed a door, and threw a pillow into the kitchen. It hit an empty sopor pie tin. One of the empty sopor pie tins.

Gamzee was high. Gamzee was high and angry, and although Nepeta knew that was a dangerous combination, she was angry, too. So, as Gamzee flung open a cabinet and prepared to smash a plate, Nepeta called out, "Can I come in?"

Her friend froze, plate over his head like the monkey with the baby lion in that one human animated film Kanaya had showed her. "Now I'm just motherfucking hearing things," Gamzee muttered, placing the plate back in the cabinet. Nepeta giggled, and Gamzee slowly turned his head, eyes widening when he saw her.

"Motherfucking miracles."

Suddenly, Gamzee moved to right the table and retrieve the pillow. "Just a motherfucking minute, sis. Let me clean up in here." Gamzee dashed back and forth, attempting to diminish the mess.

_He really does look ridiculous,_ Nepeta thought, and cracked a smile. Gamzee always cheered her up. But Nepeta could see in Gamzee's movements he still had fuel to burn, and she hadn't even started. So she slid into the room, saying, "That's okay Gamzee. I'd like to join you, if that's okay."

Gamzee's eyes darted up at her from his place on the floor, where he was picking up a pie tin, and he grinned. "I don't think you're up for the kind of motherfucking havoc I can all up and wreak, sis."

Nepeta's claws flashed fully out. "Try me."

Gamzee nodded his permission, and Nepeta let the burning inside of her take over. She leaped onto the couch and began ripping the cushions to shreds. Gamzee resumed his work, smashing plates and bowls to pieces.

When the sofa was more stuffing than fabric and the springs were showing, Nepeta retracted her claws and collapsed onto the rug, breathing heavily. Gamzee destroyed a final bowl and stepped over the mess he'd made to stand over her.

Nepeta straightened her hat and sat up. Gamzee's hands were bleeding indigo. Nevertheless, he helped her up, getting the deep blue-purple color all over her fingers. Nepeta giggled. Her fire had died down a little bit, but the pain had not returned. It felt good.

The two trolls sat down on the shredded couch and looked around, laughing at the sight of the room. Nepeta felt a little bad that she had destroyed Gamzee's property, but when she turned to face him he gave her a small smile to say all was well.

Gamzee reached his pointer finger forward, and Nepeta figured she had a bit of cushion stuffing stuck to her cheek. But Gamzee touched her skin and didn't move away, instead painting designs on her face with his blood.

Nepeta giggled nervously, but didn't bat his hand away. "That's morbid, Gamzee."

The clown troll stopped, and looked a little sad. "I've always got my morbid on, sis. Like I said, I don't think you can handle it."

Nepeta looked down at the indigo on Gamzee's hands. "I don't think you're morbid _all _the time Gamzee, just sometimes. Maybe that's why your blood color is so pretty; because you're actually good, on the inside."

Gamzee cracked a smile. "Maybe you're all motherfucking olive on the inside because green is a motherfucking adorable color." Nepeta laughed, because their discourse had grown to make hardly any sense at all. So she pursued a different train of thought.

"Gamzee, why are you angry?" Her friend just ignored her and turned the conversation around by asking the same question of her, insisting that was more important. So Nepeta told him everything, from her dream to her encounter with Karkat.

"And I just snapped," Nepeta admitted. "I think…I think he would be bad for me even if I could have him. I was angry because he was treating me so badly. So I want to find a way to let him go." The room was quiet for a moment.

"Hey, Gamzee?"

"Yeah, sis?"

"You never told me why you were angry."

Her friend took a deep breath and ran his stained fingers through his hair. "Same reason you're mad, sis." He hesitated. "I love someone who doesn't love me back."

Gamzee Makara wasn't unattractive. In fact, he was quite cute in a gangly way, with his tall frame, long horns, and runaway hair. The thought had crossed Nepeta's mind before, more than once, in fact, but she had been too utterly in love with Karkat to pursue it. But now that she was trying to free her heart of the cranky troll, wasn't it time to consider moving on? Nepeta reasoned with herself that no, of course not, it was way too soon. Still, an irrational, tiny part of her wondered if Gamzee liked _her_.

But for the most part, Nepeta was ecstatic that she would have someone to draw with Gamzee on her shipping wall. "Oh my gog!" she squealed, leaping off the couch and jumping up and down. "Which quadrant? WHO?!"

"Um." The clown troll awkwardly scratched a horn. "Flushed," he said finally, and got up to smash another plate. Nepeta bit her lip thoughtfully. She thought of her shipping wall, and all the trolls depicted there. But the main feature by far was her former OTP: her and Karkat with a big red heart.

She looked down at her claws to make sure they were retracted, because they still itched to destroy. What was she forgetting?

Suddenly, a crazy and heartbreaking idea hit her like a ton of bricks, but once it was in her head, there was no putting it back where it came from. But she would need help, or rather, emotional support, and Equius was going to be scrounging the asteroid for robot parts tomorrow.

So she turned to Gamzee, who was in the kitchen bending a fork in half, and said, "Meet me at Equius' and my apartment tomorrow morning." Before he could respond, she jumped back in the air vents and was gone.


	7. Chapter 7: Washed Away

When she returned to bed, Nepeta was able to get a few good hours of sleep before she awoke to Equius prodding her on the shoulder. Nepeta was tempted to just let him leave, but he was her moirail, so she told him everything. At that, Equius offered to stay, just in case she needed anything. But Nepeta insisted she would be fine, and Equius reluctantly left on his expedition for robot parts.

Feeling dirty and sweaty, Nepeta took a shower to wash the grime away, and put on new clothes. Refreshed, she hauled a tub of water into her shipping room and took a look around, determined to memorize every detail. She knew she was doing the right thing, but it was hard, due to all the hours of labor she had put into recreating her shipping wall from her hive on Alternia. She wanted to remember this.

Soon after, there was a knock on the door. When Nepeta went to answer it, she found herself face-to-chest with Gamzee. Giggling, she looked up to see Gamzee had repainted his face. He also smelled suspiciously good.

"Gamzee…are you wearing…cologne?" Her friend's cheeks turned a bit indigo.

"Just wanted to make a motherfucking good impression in case your moirail got his defensive on."

Nepeta snickered a little and gestured Gamzee inside. They walked through the little apartment she and Equius shared, and into her room. Gamzee kept looking around and examining various items. It occurred to Nepeta that she hung out at Gamzee's all the time, but he had never been to her apartment. Why was that? She shrugged it off.

When they arrived at the door to her shipping room, Nepeta paused and said, "no one but Equius has ever seen my shipping wall."

Gamzee smiled goofily. "I promise to respect the ships," he intoned. Nepeta opened the door and they stepped inside. Nepeta gazed at the walls once more, and then looked over at her friend, who was staring open-mouthed at the drawings covering every surface.

"Um…some of them aren't very good," Nepeta began, feeling self-conscious.

"No, no, this is motherfucking amazing, sis," Gamzee cut her off, and she glowed with pride. "This must have taken forever," he added, eyeing the tub of water on the floor. "And what are we going to all up and do, sis? Wash them all off?" Nepeta nodded solemnly.

"Even that one?" Gamzee asked dubiously, pointing at the OTP.

"Especially that one," Nepeta responded, and Gamzee grinned so wide that his face paint crinkled a little around the edges of his mouth. Nepeta moved toward the tub, but Gamzee put a lanky arm out to stop her.

"Actually, sis? Do we have to go up and destroy it motherfucking all? You obviously worked really hard on it." Nepeta was easily convinced. She didn't want to see all her hard work go down the drain. So she and Gamzee borrowed one of Equius' towels and carefully wiped away the OTP, but nothing else. After it was all gone, they stepped back to admire their work. There was a big gaping hole in the middle of the drawings, but Nepeta could fill it in with new ships.

"Hey, sis, what's motherfucking that?" Gamzee asked, a hard edge to his voice, pointing to the painting of him in the corner. "Why aren't I up and with anyone? Are you making a motherfucking crack at my quadrants?"

Nepeta looked, and shook her head quickly. "Of course not, Gamzee! I just didn't know who to draw you with." Then she remembered. "Hey, Gamzee! You never told me who you like." Gamzee shifted uncomfortably, and picked at the sign on his t-shirt. It was peeling off a little.

"Do you want some milk, Nepeta?" he asked suddenly. "I'm going to go get us some motherfucking milk." And he practically ran out of the room.

"There isn't any left!" Nepeta called after him, but to no avail. The apartment door had already slammed behind him. Nepeta sighed and sat down in front of her drawing of Gamzee. "Why are you acting so weird?" she asked it. "I thought we were friends, but you seem so uncomfortable telling me who you like." She picked up a piece of red chalk, Terezi's favorite. She wondered what Terezi was doing right now. Was she with Karkat? Nepeta was a bit surprised to find that for the first time in a long while, the thought didn't bring pain with it. Glancing at the large grey area in her shipping wall, she realized that although the absence of Karkat had left a hole in her ships, it hadn't left a hole in her heart.

"I really am better off without him," Nepeta whispered, and used the red chalk in her hand to draw a red heart near Gamzee's head. She had an idea. She had originally painted Gamzee, but chalk would work better for her idea, because it was easier to draw with. Oh, well, it wasn't her first picture using more than one medium. She could deal with it.

Shrugging it off and gathering all of her chalks, Nepeta started drawing another troll with Gamzee. She didn't know who it was yet, but she had a good head for ships. She figured her hand would lead the way.

When Nepeta was drawing, she was in another world entirely. Barely seeing which chalks she was picking up, images of Gamzee played behind her eyes. Who would he be good with? He was so tall; he would be cute with someone much shorter.

_Karkat is pretty short,_ Nepeta thought, and giggled. Maybe she would draw a ship of them as moirails later. She remembered seeing that working. Gamzee could get pretty riled up sometimes. She could almost imagine Karkat shoosh papping him.

She picked up a black chalk for the t-shirt, wondering if she could really guess who Gamzee liked by drawing it. Tavros seemed a likely matespritship for Gamzee. She picked up a grey chalk for the pants. She wondered who she was drawing. She picked up the blue chalk for the top of the head. _Who has a blue head? _she wondered.

She chose the green chalk for the coat. Eridan had a blue head. No, wait, that wasn't right. He had a purple streak in his hair. She kept drawing. _Who am I drawing?_ She thought, with increased panic for a reason she couldn't yet identify.

Who was she drawing?

Who was she drawing?

Oh my gog who was she –

Nepeta snapped out of her drawing mode and stared for a few seconds at the troll she had drawn. The troll with a blue hat and a green coat.

_Fuck._

There was a bang as the front door burst open. Nepeta blinked at her drawing and flushed deeply olive before kicking her chalks to the side and sitting against the wall, back covering her new creation, in what she hoped was a casual position.

Gamzee entered the room holding two glasses of milk. The two trolls stared at each other for a few strained seconds before Gamzee awkwardly extended an arm. "I brought you some motherfucking milk."

Nepeta scratched her cheek subtly in an effort to make the blush go away. "But…" she trailed off. "It was all out," she finished lamely.

"Then I guess I've all up and got the only motherfucking milk here," Gamzee said, crossing the room in two long strides and handing her the glass. He remained standing, towering over her. "What did you think was in the scrambled eggs?"

"Eggs?" Nepeta guessed.

Gamzee laughed. "That too. But also some of this motherfucking milk." They both took a sip. "And miracles," he added. "All my food has motherfucking miracles all up in them."

Nepeta was reminded of another substance that was in a lot of Gamzee's cooking. "Gamzee…there wasn't any sopor in those eggs, was there?"

"Motherfucking no. They'd be all up and getting their green on. Besides, I've all up and started running out."

Staring into her milk, Nepeta could feel her drawing burning into her back. "But that's good, isn't it? You'll be sober all the time."

Gamzee grimaced. "I don't motherfucking know, sis. Sure, I'm sober now and then, but eventually I always go back to the sopor. I feel like I motherfucking need it. I haven't been three days without the stuff since I was still getting my wriggler on. So I've started motherfucking saving it. Eating just a little every day. I shouldn't have all up and gone off on that binge last night."

Both trolls finished their milk and regarded each other silently. Finally, Gamzee bent down to take back Nepeta's glass.

"Well, I've got a lot of motherfucking cleaning to do. My room all up and got its mess on. There are broken plates all over the motherfucking floor. Don't even know what that's about."

Nepeta's giggle felt a little forced. Gamzee turned and left the room. She felt bad about not walking him to the door, but she was scared to uncover the "ship". When she heard the front door close, Nepeta spun around and glared at her drawing.

Not wanting even Equius to see it, Nepeta took the towel and water once more and scrubbed the wall clean. That was two ships with her in them, washed away in one day.

Nepeta slumped against the wall, feeling hopeless.


	8. Chapter 8: Afternoon for Hot Beverages

Nepeta didn't know what to do. After pacing around in her room for a bit, she decided to wander the asteroid aimlessly. Maybe she would find Equius. She just needed someone to talk to. So she forced herself to brush her hair and look presentable, and walked through the hallways, looking for her friends. She hadn't seen Feferi recently, or Kanaya, for that matter. Aradia used to be a reasonably good friend, but the robots just creeped Nepeta out.

Finding herself in the large transportalizer chamber, Nepeta chose the pad that lead near Kanaya's room. After the unpleasant sensation of transportalizing, she had to lean against a wall for a few second to catch her breath. After recovering, Nepeta raised her hand to knock on Kanaya's door, but just before her knuckles even made contact with the wood, the door swung open. Nepeta started, causing the jade blood on the other side of the threshold to regard her quizzically.

"Hello, dear," Kanaya greeted. "You seem a bit jumpy. I thought I heard the transportalizer. Care to join us?" Kanaya opened the door wider and gestured inside. Nepeta peeked around the doorframe to see Feferi and Vriska sitting on plush pillows, gathered around a small table and sipping from teacups.

"Oh, sure! If it's not too much of a problem. Thanks, Kanaya," Nepeta smiled, and stepped inside. Kanaya closed the door behind her and retrieved an extra pillow for Nepeta to sit on.

Once all four girls were seated around the table and Nepeta had poured herself a steaming cup of tea, Feferi spoke up. "How are you, Nepeta? Gosh, I haven't seen you in way too long!"

Nepeta nodded earnestly. "Yeah, it's great to see you all. I should really get out more."

Kanaya delicately raised her teacup and took a ladylike sip. "I should say so," she cut in. "You and Equius spend more time than is healthy locked up in your cramped apartment."

"Kanaya's right! It's important to get fresh air every once in a while!" Feferi added cheerily. "That's why we dragged Vriska over here for tea!"

"Yes, and I'm having sooooooo much fuuuuuuuun," Vriska drawled sarcastically, chomping dejectedly on a biscuit. Feferi slapped her playfully on the shoulder, Kanaya rolled her eyes, and Nepeta giggled.

As the lighthearted discourse continued, Nepeta found herself drifting away from the conversation and losing herself in thought, as she was wont to do. She was jolted back to reality as Vriska snapped her robotic fingers in front of her eyes.

"Yo, Leijon, what's up?" Vriska squinted suspiciously at Nepeta. "You're all out of it."

Nepeta shook her head quickly. "Nah, I'm fine," she assured her friends, who were all looking at her now. "I just spaced out a bit, is all. So, Kanaya, how have your designs been going since we got here? Is it hard to find fabric?" Nepeta grasped at a completely transparent change of topic.

"They're fine, thanks for asking," Kanaya responded coolly. "But Vriska is right. What's going on?"

Feferi gave Kanaya a look. "Don't push it," she whispered. Nepeta glanced back and forth between the three girls as all of them turned to give her a guilty look.

"We're…sympathetic, Nepeta," Kanaya began, seemingly searching for the correct words. "The entire asteroid knows about Karkat and Terezi. And, we're sorry about the hurt you must be going through."

Nepeta had almost – _almost_ – forgotten about that in all of her musings regarding Gamzee. She blinked, confused, and remained quiet for a second too long before saying, "Oh, no, I'm kind of…um…over him, I guess."

Feferi, Kanaya, and Vriska stared at Nepeta, mouths gaping. Nepeta was somewhat surprised. Their reactions made her wonder just how many people knew she had been in love with Karkat. Had everyoneknown?

_ Did Karkat?_ Nepeta wondered.

After a minute, Feferi cleared her throat. "Um, why?"

"I guess I just finally realized he wasn't good for me," Nepeta said quietly, feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable about sharing too much information about something so private. Equius would be appalled.

Vriska was the first to recover. "Well, that's fantastic, Leijon!" she piped up, raising her teacup. "Here's to getting over crabby nooksuckers!" Nepeta giggled, and clinked her cup against Vriska's. Feferi followed suit enthusiastically, sloshing a little tea onto the tablecloth. Kanaya grimaced, no doubt ill at ease due to toasting to such an uncultured statement, but she joined in for Nepeta's sake.

"Sooooooo," Vriska asked a few minutes later. "If you're over that old shitsponge, what's got you down?" Feferi and Kanaya snapped their heads up to observe her intently. Nepeta was beginning to feel like half of this tea party was just the other three trolls staring at her. She shifted uncomfortably.

"There's, um. Another troll. Who I think might feel flushed for me, and I apparently might feel red for them, even though I didn't know that in the first place, but my hand told me on my wall, and now I don't know what to do about that." Her friends looked at her strangely. Rewording her phrasing, Nepeta said, "There's another troll who might like me and I think I might like them, but I'm not sure." Nepeta's friends nodded in understanding. Nepeta saw Kanaya glance over at Vriska oddly, but she wasn't sure what that was about.

Feferi spoke first, while daintily adding a cube of sugar to her teacup. "Well, you should always follow your heart, of course! If you're ever sure that you like this troll, you should definitely go for it!" Vriska and Kanaya nodded their agreement. Reassured that all would be well in due time, Nepeta was able to relax, and spend some quality time with her friends. Being on the asteroid actually made it easier to drift apart, somehow, and Nepeta couldn't let that happen.

Two hours later, Kanaya started suddenly. "Oh, my, we've been talking forever! I'm sorry girls, but I simply must get to work! The Aradiabots asked me to make some nametags or some other form of identifier so we can tell them apart. However, we should do this again soon!" Nepeta, Feferi, and Vriska agreed, and Kanaya gently but hastily ushered them out of the room.

Once outside, the three trolls said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. Being the last to transportalize, Nepeta looked back at Kanaya's door. She shook her head absentmindedly, writing a mental note that friends were what were really important, and she couldn't let her possible feelings for Gamzee get in the way of staying close with the other trolls.

Feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside, Nepeta went on her way.


	9. Chapter 9: It's a Date!

**Author's Note - Hey evfurryone! I finally put something in my profile. It includes my Tumblr, so f33l fr33 to check it out. In other news, I hit a brick wall with this fic, and decided to write out an outline (that's right…up until now I was making it up as I went along…h33h33). Now, I think I've got most evfurrything planned out. This fic is looking to be about 20 chapters, including an epilogue. Which I have ind33d got a plan fur…h33h33. Anyway, enjoy Chapter 9!**

After the tea party, Nepeta was exhausted, so she high-tailed it back to her apartment. Equius was back, and he inquired what she had been up to the minute she walked in the door.

"No, Equius, I don't want to talk. I'm tired!" Nepeta complained, padding past him into her room and jumping onto her bed. "I want to sleep." She closed her eyes contentedly for a few moments, before Equius sat down on the edge of the bed next to her and shook her forcefully.

"Ah….noooo, Equius! Ah-aaaah!" Nepeta screeched as Equius' strength got the better of him once more and Nepeta was shaken out of the bed. She hit the floor with a loud _flop_. Equius was immediately concerned.

"Nepeta, are you hurt?" he asked, crawling onto the bed in order to lean over the other side. Nepeta grinned cheekily up at him from the floor and sprang up, pouncetackling him into the fluffy pillows gathered by the headboard. He was careful as he pushed her off, trying not to harm her with his strength, which allowed her to push him back down onto the pillows. She lay down next to him, placing her head on his chest.

"Oh, my. Nepeta, I must insist you cease this inappropriate behavior at once," Equius protested. Nepeta ignored him, snuggling up to him and trying to drift off to sleep. "Nepeta, you still haven't informed me of your activities today."

The cat troll huffed and rolled over, back facing her moirail. "Well, in the morning Gamzee came over and I showed him my shipping wall, and I just came back from having tea at Kanaya's with Feferi and Vriska."

"Oh, dear. Nepeta, it seems you have a tendency to associate with trolls higher on the hemospectrum than you. Have you ever considered spending time with Sollux, Tavros, or Aradia?"

"No, Sollux is always busy with his computer programming; Tavros is always trailing after Vriska; and Aradia, well…" Nepeta trailed off. She didn't want to hurt Equius' feelings by admitting that the Aradiabots creeped her out. But Equius patted her lightly on the arm, signaling that he understood but wasn't offended, and got up, leaving Nepeta to sleep in peace.

After a short but nice catnap, Nepeta awoke to her computer binging maniacally. Groaning and hoisting herself out of bed, she fetched her laptop from its perch on her bookshelf and retreated back to bed. She nuzzled into her pillows and opened her laptop. She had messages on Trollian. Her heart skipped a little when she saw they were from Gamzee.

-terminallyCapricious (TC) began pestering arsenicCatnip (AC) at 17:28-

TC: HeY sIs WhAt'S mOtHeRfUcKiNg GoInG oN?

TC: SiS aNsWeR yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg CoMpUtEr

AC: :33 h33h33, hi gamz33!

TC: SiS wHaT dO yOu SaY tO dInNeR?

AC: :33 um, sure?

TC: fAnTaStIc. I wIlL bE tHeRe In AbOuT tWeNtY mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiNuTeS. wEaR sOmEtHiNg NiCe.

-terminallyCapricious (TC) ceased pestering arsenicCatnip (AC) at 17:31-

AC: :33 what?

Nepeta closed her laptop and set it back on her bookshelf, plugging it in so it could charge. Wear something nice? Going to dinner?

Was she…going on a date?

Nepeta blinked and padded into Equius' room. He was, as usual, fiddling with his robots. Nepeta tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to turn around and put down the piece he was working on, which sparked dangerously upon coming into contact with the table.

"Um, hi Equius. Um, I'm going out in about twenty minutes. With…Gamzee." Equius frowned slightly and turned to face her fully.

"I worry about you, Nepeta. It seems to me like your relationship with this troll is becoming more…flushed than it used to be." Nepeta turned a deep shade of olive and shook her head in denial.

"That's not true! We're just hanging out more, is all. And besides, even if it was, why would that be a problem? You know you'll always be my meowrail," she finished, snuggling up to him, her hair tickling his chin. He began to sweat profusely.

"It is unbefitting of a troll so highly ranked on the hemospectrum as he to pursue red relations with someone in your place," Equius explained bluntly. Nepeta pulled away.

"That doesn't matter!" she protested. "Alternia's gone, probably forever, and you know Gamzee doesn't care about the stupid caste system anyway! And besides, you've always been red for Aradia, even though you think she's 'lowblood scum'!"

Equius gave her a look, but let it slide. "Fine, do what you wish. But make sure to return home by eight."

"Eight?" Nepeta whined, incredulous. "Equiuuuuuus, I'm not a baaaaaby!"

Her moirail frowned. "Your behavior indicates otherwise. Nevertheless, I suppose I could extend your curfew to nine o' clock." Nepeta glared at him.

"Ten."

"No."

"Please?"

"Absolutely not –"

"Purretty kitty purrlease?"

Equius threw his hands into the air. "All right, ten! But no later!" Nepeta grinned and gave him a light kiss on the cheek, causing him to blush blue, and flounced out of the room. Once in her own space, she threw open her closet and perused her options, which weren't many. She had never had need for fancy clothes on Alternia, but had kept a skirt or two and a dress in the back of her cave, just in case. She had those, and also a dress that Kanaya had made for her when they first arrived on the asteroid, upon discovering Nepeta's shortage of formal attire.

Nepeta decided on Kanaya's dress. It was a simple sundress, coming about to her knees in wavy undulations. It fitted her form well, and was the perfect color of olive. Nepeta removed her hat to brush her hair, but in the end, she put it back on. She also slipped on some blue flats, more elegant than the shoes she wore daily.

Gamzee was a bit late. At around seven o' clock, there was a knock on the front door, and Nepeta rushed out of her room. Equius turned around in time to see her streak past his doorway, and called out, "Home by ten!"

She rolled her eyes and yelled back, "I know!" before opening the door to behold Gamzee, dressed up in a black suit with an indigo bow tie, and holding a small bouquet of blue lilacs. His face paint was fresh and clean, and he was once again wearing some sort of cologne. Nepeta blushed a little as he held out the flowers, and took them carefully.

"Good motherfucking evening, Miss Nepeta," Gamzee grinned, extending his elbow. "Care to join me for a stroll?" Nepeta giggled as she curtsied and took his arm, and the pair took off down the hall.


	10. Chapter 10: Dinner and a Movie

Nepeta and Gamzee traversed the asteroid for a long time, walking silently through the corridors. They spoke very little. Nepeta left her arm laced through Gamzee's, even though it was difficult, considering their height difference. After about five or ten minutes of just walking, Nepeta looked up at Gamzee confidently striding next to her.

"Gamzee? Where are we going?" Nepeta asked, and Gamzee laughed a little bit and told her she would see. So Nepeta dropped the topic, and they continued on their way. When they reached the main area of the asteroid, they passed Terezi and Karkat, sitting on a bench and talking. The pair looked up as Gamzee and Nepeta strolled by. Gamzee waved good-naturedly and winked in response to Karkat's gaping mouth. Nepeta giggled a bit, and deep down, she secretly hoped that he was jealous. Just a little bit.

Eventually, they entered an area Nepeta wasn't familiar with. After reaching what at first seemed like a dead end, they took a sharp right and faced a metal door, which Gamzee pushed open with ease, gesturing Nepeta through. She somewhat reluctantly let go of his arm and entered, finding a deep spiral staircase ahead of her. It was dimly-lit, and only wide enough for one person to climb at a time. So Nepeta began her ascent, dress swishing around her knees, with Gamzee following close behind.

The stairwell seemed to go on forever. At the top, there was a platform with yet another door. She crossed the platform and reached out for the doorknob, but suddenly Gamzee was beside her. "Motherfucking allow me," he said, and opened the door, letting her step inside.

The room was large and circular, and a little dark, because the only source of light was the group of candles resting on a small table in the center of the room. The ceiling was domed and made of glass, allowing Nepeta to observe the asteroids around them and the stars twinkling far out of reach.

"What do you motherfucking think, kitty cat?" Gamzee asked, pulling the door shut behind him. "I found it the other day just motherfucking wandering the place. It's pretty nice, if I do all up and say so myself."

"It's beautiful," Nepeta breathed, tearing her eyes away from space in order to be led to the table by Gamzee. He pulled out a chair for her and let her sit down before rounding the piece of furniture and sitting down opposite her. There was a napkin, a fork, a knife, and a plate before each of them, and on both plates was a fresh fillet. Gamzee's was glowing slightly green.

"I might have put a little bit of motherfucking sopor in mine," Gamzee admitted bashfully. "But I prepared yours motherfucking clean." Nepeta blushed, trying to wrap her mind around the concept of Gamzee doing this all for her.

"Thank you so much, Gamzee!" Nepeta said finally. "This is lovely. You didn't have to do this."

Gamzee looked down at his lap and played with his napkin a bit. "Well, you know. I figured you might not have had much motherfucking fish in a while, and I know you like it, so. Motherfucking all up and dig in!" Nepeta experimentally tasted a small bite of fish. It was delicious, and she made short work of the rest. When she was finished, she looked up. Gamzee's plate was empty, too, and he was watching her intently. When their eyes met, he looked up at the stars.

"Sure is a pretty night, huh?" he commented. "Well, I mean, I guess it's always motherfucking night on the outside way out here, but. You know." He looked back at Nepeta. "So…what do you want to all up and do now?"

Nepeta thought about it for a while. "Hm. I've been wanting to show you this human movie Kanaya showed me. It's really cute. It's about lions." Gamzee pushed his chair out from the table and grabbed Nepeta's hand.

"Let's all up and motherfucking find it, then!" he said, and dragged her back to the stairwell. The suddenness of his movements almost caused her to trip.

"Shouldn't we clean up, or something?" Nepeta asked, glancing back at the candlelit table under the starry sky.

Gamzee didn't even look back. "I'll motherfucking deal with it tomorrow," he said, as they dashed back down the stairwell and across the asteroid once more. When they reached the main transportalizer chamber, Nepeta hesitated.

"Gamzee, uh, why don't you head back to your room? I'll go get the DVD and meet you there," she offered. The clown troll looked down at her dubiously, but then spun around dramatically on his heel and took the transportalizer that lead back to his room. Breathing a sigh of relief, Nepeta took the transportalizer to Kanaya's. Once the dizziness had passed, she knocked lightly on the door. There was no answer, so she knocked again, louder. The jade blood yanked the door open moments later and propped it open with her foot, as she was holding a swath of fabric in one hand and a pincushion shaped like a tomato in the other.

"Nepeta! It's good to see you again," Kanaya enthused, despite being obviously up to her neck in work. Nepeta noticed her friend glowing with pride when she saw that Nepeta was wearing the dress she made, but her look then turned to confusion. "Why are you wearing my dress this evening? Is it a special occasion?"

The cat troll looked down at the olive masterpiece. "Um, no, I just…I was just looking through my closet and felt like dressing up tonight. It's so pretty! I dunno, it's just…just for fun, I guess!" She laughed nervously. "So, um, I was wondering if I could borrow the film we watched together, with the lions? I wanted to show it to Equius," Nepeta lied.

"Yes, of course! My hands are kind of full right now, but you're welcome to find it. It's on the top shelf of my bookcase over there, with the other DVDs. They're all in alphabetical order. It's called The Lion King, but I sorted it under L because when things start with 'the' I tend to categorize them with 'the' at the end. So in this case, 'Lion King, the'. I don't know why, but it makes more sense to me –"

Nepeta had already found the disk and was speeding out of the room. "I'll have it back by tomorrow! Thanks, Kanaya!"

"You're always welcome," her friend responded as she raced back to the transportalizer pad and disappeared. Nepeta stumbled into the main chamber and found her way over to the pad that led to Gamzee's. After arriving outside of his door, she sat down against the wall, fighting the urge to vomit after transportalizing twice in a row. The other trolls didn't have this problem, why did she? As she struggled to catch her breath, she wondered why she didn't want anyone to know that she was hanging out with Gamzee so much. Their relationship _was_ waxing a little red, anyone with eyes could see that, and she had to admit it to herself now. But she had lied to Equius and sent Gamzee back to his room so as to avoid alerting Kanaya that the object of her newfound affections was the clown troll. Why was she being so sneaky about it? Maybe she felt guilty about having such a sudden change of heart after loving Karkat for so long? Yes, that could be it.

Still lost in her musings, she knocked on the door to Gamzee's room, which he swung open as if he had been expecting her. Which, of course, he had. Nepeta broke into a smile, seeing that he had already changed back into his normal clothes, and had popcorn popping in the microwave. She brandished the DVD triumphantly, causing Gamzee to snatch it from her and pop the disk into the VCR. He strode over to the still destroyed couch, plopped down, and tossed her a bundle of clothing gathered there. She caught it deftly.

"There's a motherfucking bathroom over there," Gamzee said, motioning in the opposite direction of the kitchenette. "Go ahead and change, I wouldn't want you to all up and be motherfucking uncomfortable in your fancy dress when we're watching a motherfucking movie." Nepeta did as she was told, disappearing into the bathroom while Gamzee read the back of the DVD case.

When she closed and locked the door, she examined the clothes in her hands. They smelled fresh and clean. Giggling, she donned the oversize Capricorn t-shirt and long, polka-dotted clown pants and emerged from the bathroom, carefully crossing the room to hang her dress on the hat stand by the door.

"Let me motherfucking see," Gamzee instructed, gesturing for her to spin around. She did so, and modeled the outfit for her friend. They both broke out into a bout of laughter. It was true; she looked ridiculous wearing his clothing. "I'm motherfucking sorry, sis. But that's pretty much all the clothes I motherfucking had." Nepeta nodded in understanding and went to retrieve the popcorn from the microwave as Gamzee gathered some blankets and remote and turned off the lights. Nepeta paused halfway between the kitchenette and the couch, gripping the popcorn in her hands. Although her cat-like eyes allowed her to see excellently in the dark, they took longer to adjust than other trolls'. So she cautiously took a step forward, nearly blind in the sudden lack of light.

"Are you having trouble getting your motherfucking vision on, sis?" Gamzee asked from the couch, giving Nepeta the direction of his location. She walked confidently toward him.

"Yeah, it just takes a bit for my eyes to - OOMPH!" Nepeta collided with the back of the couch, and the popcorn went flying. She tumbled over the seat and ended up sprawled across the cushions, feet in Gamzee's lap and arm hanging off the side of the couch. "Oops." Nepeta sat up on the couch, embarrassed, as a laughing Gamzee rescued the fortunately unopened bag of popcorn from the floor. The clown then pressed the "menu" button on the remote, causing the screen to light up and cast a blue light over the room. Gamzee handed Nepeta a blanket and threw one over himself as she cuddled up in hers.

Putting his feet up on the coffee table, Gamzee turned to Nepeta, face bathed in colored light from the television. "You motherfucking got your comfortable on, sis?" he asked. Nepeta nodded cheerfully, he pressed "play," and the movie began.


	11. Chapter 11: Light and Shadows

**Author's Note: I have received so much positive feedback and encouraging reviews recently, and I want to thank everyone for that. It makes me so happy to know that other people enjoy what I write, and it definitely inspires me to continue. So thanks a billion. **

Nepeta found movies riveting, she always had. During the first song of the movie, she was glued to the screen. She absentmindedly moved her hand back and forth between the bag of popcorn (which Gamzee had placed on the torn-up cushion between them) and her mouth, crunching on the buttery and salty treat. Once, she bumped hands with Gamzee as they reached for the popcorn at the same time, causing both of them to quickly pull their hands back and blush furiously. It was ridiculously cliché.

When the part came up with the monkey presenting the baby lion to the rest of the kingdom, Nepeta prodded Gamzee's thin arm repeatedly and pointed at the screen. "You looked like this when you were smashing the plates that one night," she giggled, and Gamzee chuckled heartily.

As Nepeta's least favorite part of the film approached rapidly, she cocooned herself deep within the blankets. The father lion was about to the trampled in the ravine! When the moment came, Nepeta squeaked and buried her face in Gamzee's chest. He patted her lightly on the head and wove his long fingers through her hair until the scene was over.

But right after that was a bit of comic relief, when the baby lion meets his new friends out in the savanna, and they sing a silly song. So Nepeta immediately became captivated again, engrossed by the animation, bright colors, and happy sounds. She forgot she was still leaning against Gamzee until the song was over and the baby lion was all grown up. She rocketed into a sitting position, thoroughly mortified, and sat frozen on the ripped cushion, spine stiff. Gamzee laughed and scratched his head nervously.

The rest of the movie passed uneventfully for the pair huddled on the sofa. Neither of them noticed when the popcorn ran out, they were so immersed in the story playing out on the screen. But near the end, there was another scary part that Nepeta hated. The lion had just found his matesprit, and they were returning to his kingdom. But the land had become dark and shadowy under the rule of the evil lion.

Nepeta instinctively searched for Gamzee's hand under the blankets, but when she found it, it was cold and rigid. Looking up, Nepeta found his face had frozen with an unnatural look on it. She patted his hand lightly, but he was unresponsive.

"Gamzee, are you okay?" she whispered, and he snapped out of it, looking at her with wide black pupils ringed with orange.

"Yeah, I'm motherfucking fine," he said a bit shakily. "It's just this movie is motherfucking potent for a human kid's animation." His hand finally warmed up to hers, but his fingers tightened around her palm.

"Gamzee, is something wrong?" Nepeta asked, worried for her friend. Something was definitely up. She watched as the television cast different colors of light on the clown's face. Yellow, like he was sick. Blue, like he was mournful. Red, reflecting off of his white face paint with an eerie glow.

"Nepeta!" Gamzee said suddenly, grasping her hand in both of his. His eyes were wild, and staring at something over her head that she couldn't seem to see.

"I'm here, Gamzee, I'm here," she responded, frightened. What was going on?

The clown troll wrenched his gaze from the wall behind her and made direct eye contact. Nepeta couldn't help but flinching a bit at the intensity in his look.

"Nepeta," he said finally, his voice a whimper, like that of a wriggler. "Nepeta, I'm scared." Nepeta stroked his hand with her fingertips as he continued. "Nepeta. Nepeta. Nepeta." He said her name over and over, like a drowning man searching for a lifeboat. "The sopor. The sopor is running out."

"You told me that before, Gamzee," she assured him. "What's wrong with that?"

"I don't…" Gamzee stammered. "I don't know what I'll be without it." Nepeta blinked at her friend, trying to clear the tears that were forming in her eyes. He was so childlike and terrified. She didn't know what to do.

"You'll still be you," Nepeta said finally, and found that she believed it. "You'll still be you, it's okay, Gamzee. Not having sopor won't change you. I promise." The light in Gamzee's eyes changed, and his gaze softened. His hands loosened around hers, no longer a grip like death. He shook his head, as if to clear a meddlesome thought from his mind.

"Sorry, I don't know what just motherfucking happened. I was really scared for a minute there. I'm motherfucking sorry." He looked at her, smile now warm and comforting, and she felt her heart beat a little faster under her borrowed t-shirt. "Thank you, Nepeta."

"No problem, Gamzee," Nepeta blushed, and they both turned back to the movie, which had now transformed into a comical battle scene, with the lion and his friends bashing hyenas absurdly over the head.

Nepeta became absorbed in the action of the film once more, but some part of her brain was acutely aware that they were still touching, his large hand enveloping hers under the blankets.


	12. Chapter 12: Realization

**Author's Note: Sorry for the long break. I've been busy. Mainly I rediscovered a TV show from my childhood and decided I needed to watch the first fifty episodes before anything else productive could be done. I've also recently undertaken mundane tasks such as calculating the amount of different ships possible in Homestuck (244,068 – check it out: post/57753278653/homestuck-shipping-mathematics). You can also follow me on Tumblr. *wonk* Anyway. Enjoy.**

When the credits started rolling, Nepeta sat quietly on the couch, trying not to move. She didn't really want to move. Gamzee was still holding her hand. She kept her gaze trained on him as he reclined casually in her left peripheral vision. Eventually she thought she saw him glance over at her, so she turned her head, to find out the Gamzee was actually a lot closer than she thought he was.

They blinked at each other for a few moments before Nepeta spoke up quietly. "Thanks for the dinner and everything tonight, Gamzee. It was fun." The clown troll smiled.

"Any motherfucking time, sis." They smiled at each other for a minute or two before Nepeta realized their faces were slowly approaching. She jerked backwards suddenly, nearly toppling over the side of the ruined sofa. She pulled herself back into a sitting position in time to see a flash of disappointment cross Gamzee's face.

To dispel the awkwardness, Nepeta jumped of the couch and nimbly navigated her way through the dark room to the light switch, which she flipped on. The lights flickered for a few seconds before providing a steady illumination. Nepeta grabbed her dress off the hook by the door and returned to the bathroom to change while Gamzee popped the disk out and returned it to its case.

When Nepeta emerged, she padded up to Gamzee, who was inspecting a yellow fingernail, and passed him the bundle of clothes he had lent her. In return, he handed her the DVD case. Nepeta rocked back and forth from her toes to her heel.

"What time is it, Gamzee?" she asked, delaying her departure by a few precious seconds. Her friend walked into his kitchenette and opened his laptop.

"About 9:55," he informed her, at which she gasped and dashed to the door. "Thanks, Gamzee!" she called as she whizzed out into the hallway and slammed the door behind her. She screeched to a halt, a tugging sensation in her chest urging her back into the room she had just left. Ignoring it, Nepeta sprinted down the hallway, her dress rustling against her legs and her flats smacking against the hard metal floor.

She burst into the apartment in the nick of time, Equius rising from a chair in the main sitting room, where he had undoubtedly been awaiting her return. "Sorry, Equius!" she apologized as she came to a halt just under his nose. He grasped her upper arms, lifted her into the air, and placed her back on the ground a foot away. His sweaty hands felt slippery on her bare skin.

"You were almost late, Nepeta," he chided as she padded past him back into her room, closing the door halfway so she could have some privacy while changing back into her regular clothes. She could hear him talking through the gap as she slipped out of the dress.

"Consider yourself quite lucky you returned when you did," he was saying as she pulled on her t-shirt and pants and squashed her hat back onto her head. She ran across the room to pull her laptop open. 9:59. She had been so close to never being allowed to go out late again.

"Why, I was in half a mind to go to retrieve you myself, had you been another minute or two," Equius continued. Nepeta shrugged her olive trench coat onto her shoulders and opened the door, allowing for Equius' entry. He immediately strode into the room quite forcefully. Nepeta collapsed face first onto her bed, and Equius perched carefully on the edge of the mattress. He regarded her small form, prostrate on the blankets, and spoke quietly but firmly.

"Nepeta. I just want you to know that whatever unfolds between you and Gamzee…" he began, and Nepeta's heart skipped a beat at the mention of the indigo-blooded troll, "I will still always be your moirail, if you permit me to do so. I…rely on you Nepeta, but I also care for you a great deal."

She sat up and snuggled into Equius' arm, looking up at him with bright eyes. "Thanks, Equius." She sighed happily. "I love you."

"I…love you, too, Nepeta," her moirail stated matter-of-factly. It was the first time he'd ever said it.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, her scrawny body clinging to his muscular one. Finally, she regarded him seriously and asked, "What should I do about Gamzee?"

Equius disentangled himself from her and looked her straight in the eye. "How do you feel for him?"

Nepeta sat and thought. In just half a second, her mind conjured up all sorts of images of Gamzee. Of them first meeting online, just three or four sweeps old. The first time she saw him, surprised by his impossible height. His hair flying wildly as he juggled his clubs in the face of large imps as they battled their way through the game. And, more recently, the many visits she had paid him in his room on the meteor. Holding out a plastic container of scrambled eggs in the hallway, washing her former OTP off the wall, wearing a bowtie and eating fish under a starry sky, regarding her like frightened wriggler as different colors of light played off his face paint.

His horns long, his feet large, his form tall. His face painted, his hair crazed. His eyes tender, his smile contagious.

The aching in her chest, that she hadn't felt since she had left Karkat behind, returned. Except now, the aching wasn't really of pain, but of hope. The feeling grew as she struggled to remain seated on the bed. She clung once again to Equius' arm and planted her feet firmly on the floor.

"I feel red for him," Nepeta admitted, resisting the urge to jump up and run. Equius cocked his head to one side and cautiously brushed a free strand of hair from her forehead.

"And does he reciprocate?"

Nepeta envisioned Gamzee blushing indigo, refusing to tell her who he loved, rushing from the room to bring two glasses of milk, and awkwardly shuffling his feet in her presence. She remembered her accidental pairing on her shipping wall: Nepeta and Gamzee with a big, red heart. And she recalled the way his face seemed magnetically attracted to hers after the movie, and the way his eyes looked when she pulled away.

"Yes," Nepeta stated, absolutely sure of the fact. She needed to go. She needed to leave and do something. She gripped onto Equius. "Can I…may I be excused for a few minutes?"

Her moirail nodded like he understood. "Be back by ten thirty."


	13. Chapter 13: It Might Be a Little Cliché

**Author's Note: Chapter 13, huh? Wow. Can't believe I've actually come this far. Of course, it is always due to all the positive f33dback I receive, so please never hesitate to review. Also, I'm already planning for my second fic. I have a few ideas, so I made a poll. It's on my profile or something? I don't know how it works. But if you do, please go vote! That's it. Enjoy this chapter. **

Nepeta sprung from the mattress and flung open the door, sprinting through the apartment. When she reached the front door, she yanked it open and slammed it shut behind her before taking off at full speed down the hallway. Her destination: Gamzee's room. Her intended time: record-breaking.

As she raced down the corridors and skidded around the bends, she realized she hadn't really planned out what she was going to say to Gamzee once she reached his room. She immediately set her brain to work figuring this out, letting the muscle memory in her legs take her where she needed to go. She had been to Gamzee's enough times to know exactly where it was.

Distracted such as she was, she failed to even notice until the very last second that as she was rounding a turn, a larger form was heading just as fast in her direction. They collided before Nepeta could even begin to activate her emergency breaks.

But the moment they touched, Gamzee's body relaxed into hers, and he used her momentum to swing her up into the air and spin them around before coming to a halt as they crashed to the floor.

Nepeta found herself kneeling on Gamzee's chest, her shoes grazing the ground on either side of his elongated torso. Her hands were braced on his shoulders as she beamed gleefully down at his goofy grin.

"Where were you going?" Nepeta asked.

"To motherfucking see you," Gamzee replied immediately. "Where were you going?"

"To see you!" Nepeta confirmed ecstatically, leaning down and wrapping her arms around his neck in an awkward hug. After they pulled away, she gazed into his eyes and blushed a deep olive.

"Gamzee, I have to tell you something," she began. The clown troll's mouth curved upward in a hopeful smile. "I feel red for you," she continued hurriedly, intending to tell him before she came to her senses.

Gamzee's face glowed as he sat up to embrace her fully. "Do you want to be my motherfucking matesprit, Nepeta?" he whispered into her ear, runaway hair tickling her nose. Nepeta squealed quietly and nodded enthusiastically, pulling her head back to rest her forehead against Gamzee's. Slowly, he tilted his head down until his lips made contact with hers for the briefest of moments.

And that was how Nepeta had her first kiss. A quick peck on the lips with her first matesprit, on the cold floor of a hallway on a meteor in the middle of space after the apocalypse.

She wouldn't have it any other way.


	14. Chapter 14: To the Grave

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter has been so long in the waiting, and is so short. I don't even have an excuse. I was/am just lazy. But being the douchemuffin I am, I'm still going to beg you to go vote on the poll on my profile, and review because reviews seriously make my life sunnier. So do that. Purrlease. :33**

When Nepeta no longer felt the slight pressure of Gamzee's lips against hers, she exhaled softly and pulled back enough so she could look him straight in the eyes. She had a thought.

"Gamzee," she murmured. "Do you think we could keep this a secret, mostly? Just for a week or so, until we're ready?" The clown troll nodded and agreed.

After their short, quietly whispered conversation, the new matesprits agreed to meet again in the morning. Nepeta reluctantly stood up and was about to leave, before Gamzee cheekily pulled her back, dipped her, and gave her another swift kiss. Dizzy, Nepeta grinned and skipped all the way back to her apartment.

She flung open the door, almost into Equius' face. "I filled another quadrant!" she sang happily as she tacklepounced him to the floor. His glasses were knocked from his face, and he looked annoyed for a moment, but then couldn't help smiling a little after seeing her elated expression.

"I suspect the highblood is now your matesprit," he stated. It was phrased as a question but said as a fact. Nepeta nodded. Her whole face ached from smiling too much. But she couldn't stop.

"But we're keeping it a secret for a while, okay, Equius? So don't tell anyone."

"You just told me."

Nepeta giggled and got up. "You don't count; you're my moirail." She held out a hand to help Equius up, although he didn't need it. He carefully accepted, lightly closing his hand around hers and heaving himself into a standing position. It only hurt a little.

"But please don't tell anyone, Equius? Promise?" she implored, he lacing her pinkie finger around his.

And so Equius promised to take the secret to his grave.


	15. Chapter 15: Anyone Else But You

The following week came and went in a colorful blur. Nepeta spent time with Equius whenever they were alone in the apartment. She helped him with his robots, and he tolerated her screeching as they added new ships to her wall. Kanaya threw another tea party and invited Vriska, Feferi, and Nepeta again. Terezi also came, and a few Aradiabots. Nepeta realized they weren't half bad. Everyone had fun, anyway, and that's what mattered, right? She also took time to find Tavros and spend time with him, as she regretting floating away from him, and she figured then was as good a time as any to mend the gap in their old friendship.

And of course, she spent a lot of time with Gamzee. They ate together often, and spent a lot of time kissing. Which Nepeta had grown to appreciate as an activity worthy of her attention and time. When she recounted the details of their dates to Equius, however, she usually left that part out.

One night found her snuggled into Gamzee on his destroyed couch, a blanket thrown over them haphazardly. She had put together a playlist of songs, both human and troll, on her laptop, which sat on the floor near them. At that moment, a human song Jade had introduced to her was playing. It was apparently from a human movie. It sounded different than most popular Earth songs, but Nepeta liked it. There was very little instrumental noises behind the voices singing, which were kind of hoarse and plain. But the song was simple. And it was truthful.

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else…but you_, sang the girl, and then passed the lyrics over to her male partner.

_We both have shiny, happy fits of rage,_ he added, and Nepeta looked up at Gamzee with adoring eyes. _I want more fans, you want more stage. _When the main line came up again, Nepeta began to sing quietly.

"I don't see what anyone could see in anyone else," she chanted softly. Gamzee grinned at her.

"But motherfucking you," he added, leaning down and closing the distance between their lips. After a few minutes, he carefully sat up and slipped out from underneath her to stand up, stretch, and walk into the kitchenette.

"Where are you going?" Nepeta yawned, burying her face into the ripped cushions. She felt the surface of the couch sink when Gamzee sat down by her head, holding a small saucer. She looked up at him, and edged away when she saw that a glowing green substance was sitting innocently on the tiny plate.

Her matesprit watched her as she sat up and glared at the sopor. He tipper her chin up with one long finger. "This is the motherfucking last of the sopor," he said when he had her attention. "And I want to motherfucking share it."

Nepeta hissed and backed away. "I'm not eating that stuff!" Gamzee looked down at the saucer in his hands.

"Please, Nepeta," Gamzee pleaded, sounding earnest. "I just don't want to motherfucking end it like I started it." Nepeta blinked at him, and he went on. "Motherfucking alone."

Nepeta smiled wryly and glanced down at her laptop as the song ended and a new one started. Another human tune. She scooted back down the couch toward Gamzee and dipped a finger into the sopor. "Only for you." Gamzee grinned and did the same as the melody to the song sped up and more instruments joined the music.

_This story's missing a wishing well, no mirror to show and tell, no kiss that can break the spell, I'm falling asleep. _Nepeta and Gamzee touched their slime-coated fingers together. "Cheers," she giggled, as they inserted their appendages into their mouths and licked off the sopor.

_Every prince is a fantasy, the witch is inside of me, her poison will wash away the memory._ Immediately, Nepeta felt the urge to spit out the vile concoction. But she forced it down, for Gamzee's sake. Her smiled at her toothily and urged her to take more, letting her go first and then following in his turn.

_We kill the lights, and put on a show_. The second taste was better than the first. It tasted sweeter, less disgusting and more like a strange candy.

_It's all a lie, but you'd never know. _Already Nepeta could feel herself warming up to the drug. She greedily took a more and more, and the room around her began to spin.

_The star will shine, and then it will fall._ When all the sopor was gone, Gamzee licked the saucer and tossed it on the floor, where it shattered. Nepeta watched him turn back to her. He looked so handsome, so tall and lanky, so…and Nepeta had never really felt this way before…sexy?

She pounced on him and pushed him back into the cushions.

_ And you will forget it all._


	16. Chapter 16: The Brothers, Fear and Pain

Nepeta awoke in what felt like the wee hours of the morning. She groggily blinked away the sleep in her eyes and turned her head to the side. In doing so, she felt a smooth, cold surface under her cheek. She started awake when she realized it was Gamzee's bare chest. In a moment of panic, she jolted upwards, causing her to sway dangerously.

_Shit, what did we do?_ she thought, momentarily horrified. The sopor was still clogging her brain, but through her bleary vision she soon came to the conclusion that the only clothing that had been shed were Gamzee's shirt, her hat, and her jacket. Suddenly tired, Nepeta breathed a sigh of relief, once again laying her head down on Gamzee's chest. It was smooth, and a paler grey than most of his body. She took a moment to admire her matesprit for a moment before drifting off once again to sleep.

When she awoke again, she immediately felt the lack of Gamzee's chest under her head. With effort, she pulled herself into the realm of the waking to find Gamzee crouched on the floor a few feet away, slowing rocking back and forth and clutching his head. Nepeta felt a dull ache in her skull as well. Was it just the sopor? Maybe for her, as she was new to the drug. But Gamzee wasn't.

She hopped off the couch and approached him slowly, bending down to put her hand on his shoulder. He jerked around to face her, causing her to startle and jump back. He relaxed most of his tensed muscles but still kept his hands to his head, gripping it as if intent on digging his yellow fingernails through the thin flesh.

"Gamzee, what's wrong?" she asked tentatively. He squinted at her like she was a stranger, and he was wondering what she was doing in his room. The way his body was twisted, his ribs were outlined clearly through the skin of his slender chest.

"It hurts," he managed to breathe out, and then gasped like a dying fish. The sharp intake of breath brought on a short coughing fit. Nepeta was instantly at his side, holding him close to her. He weakly tried to push her away, but gave up halfway through as if he didn't have the strength.

His hands left his head and he wiped them down his face, smearing his makeup and pulling down the skin under his eyes, which snapped back up when he dropped his arms into his lap.

"Why does it hurt?" Nepeta hastily questioned. She needed to know what was wrong, so she could fix it as fast as she could.

"No more sopor." Gamzee seemingly struggled to form the words, as he spoke slowly and shakily. "Withdrawal. Motherfucking. Hurts."

Nepeta didn't understand. "But you just had some last night!" she exclaimed.

"Wasn't motherfucking enough," Gamzee painstakingly explained. "It was the first time in almost two days. I was saving it up for when you spent the night, so I could motherfucking share it with you. But it wasn't. Motherfucking." He groaned. "Enough."

"You shouldn't have shared it with me, Gamzee!" Nepeta cried out, close to tears. "You didn't have to do that."

"I motherfucking wanted to, sis," he croaked. "And it wouldn't have made any motherfucking difference. Sooner or later, I…" he closed his eyes tightly.

Nepeta wrapped her arms around him, doing what she might to sooth him. "Shh, it's okay. It's going to be okay," Nepeta breathed. She hated that phrase, but she found herself saying it anyway, as a matter of instinct, and being at a loss of anything else to say. And she loathed herself for it. It was something people said when it obviously wasn't going to be okay.

"I just hurts so motherfucking much," Gamzee shuddered, his body shaking against hers. "It's like I want to take my brain like one of Equius' towels and wring it motherfucking out." Nepeta also shook, but for a different reason. Gamzee was in pain, but she was scared. She felt something wet on her cheek, slowly trickling down. The tear seeped into the corner of her mouth and tasted of salt.

Suddenly, Gamzee completely froze. His eyes flashed open, and he stared straight ahead of him. Nepeta stopped running her fingers through his mess of hair, which she hadn't even realized she was doing. Ever so slowly, he turned his head to face hers. His eyes looked unnatural, and he was grinning at her menacingly.

"What's motherfucking up, sis?" he rumbled, low in his voice. Nepeta fell back on her ass and looked up at his slowly rising form. He towered about her as he stood, as if the troll who had been crouching on the floor quivering just moments ago had been completely replaced.

Nepeta scrambled backwards. But in an instant, as soon as he had come, the ominous side of Gamzee disappeared. He now looked at her with more tangible fear in his eyes that she had ever seen in anyone. Collapsing to the floor, he looked at her like she was about to admonish him. She said nothing, simply glued to her place.

"You have to get motherfucking out of here," Gamzee murmured.

Nepeta shook her head instantly. "But –"

"GO!" Gamzee roared. She jumped to her feet, grabbed her coat and hat, and quit the room without looking back.


	17. Chapter 17: Parting Ways

**Author's Note: This chapter includes direct quotations from page 5338 of Homestuck, "Seek the highb100d." Which is owned by Andrew Hussie. Not me.**

Nepeta sprinted down the hallway, mashing her hat onto her head and throwing on her trench coat as she went. She realized much too late that she had left her laptop in Gamzee's room. She hadn't even noticed it that morning. Sometime during the night the playlist must have run through all the songs and stopped. She was in half a mind to retrieve it, in case she couldn't find Equius, but she shook the thought away. Of course he would be back at their apartment. He had been anxious to let her stay the night at Gamzee's. He would be waiting up for her.

She burst into their apartment, and, for some reason, dead bolted the door behind her. "Equius!" Nepeta screamed, spinning around. He was not in the entrance room. She flung open the door to his room. He wasn't there. After scouring the rest of the apartment, she came to the conclusion that he was elsewhere.

Setting her jaw, Nepeta once again dashed out of the apartment and sprinted down the corridor. She ran to the transportalizer terminal, and took the transportalizer pad to the unused laboratory where Equius kept most of his extra robot parts. Happily, she saw him in the center of the room, leaning against a pile of metal scraps.

Now that the immediate panic was leaving her body, Nepeta was able to think straight. If she told Equius about Gamzee, he might never let her see her matesprit again, even if he recovered. She decided to keep quiet until she knew more, and approached her moirail as if nothing was wrong.

Unfortunately, it seemed somehow, word had already traveled. Had Gamzee left his room? Nepeta began to wring her hands worriedly. As Equius began to lecture her about the new danger, Nepeta's mind raced a million miles an hour. She decided to play dumb, and changed to topic by asking about Aradia. The original Aradiabot had exploded the day before, leaving Equius feeling quite blue.

However, he insisted on discussing Gamzee instead.

"Nepeta, I think it would behoove us to address the extreme danger in a serious matter," he stated, crossing his arms.

"You mean about Gamzee?" she questioned, as if she had already forgot, and giggled nervously. "I'm still not sure I can believe it!"

"That's because you still refuse to look upon our bloodlines as the deciding behavioral factors they are," he announced. Nepeta fought the urge to scream at him. "His is the richest and most noble blood possible among the high land dwellers. As such, he is prone to being more violent and unpredictable than any of us."

It seemed he noticed and placed the look on her face, so he added, "Not everyone has been as lucky as I in the domain of moirallegiance. I shudder to think what I might be without you, Nepeta."

She snorted internally, seeing right through his ploy. But she played along, pretending to become cheery again and saying, "Oh! That's so sweet of you Equius! You know I will always be ready to tacklepounce you when you start getting especially furious." Which was true, she reasoned, and therefore she was not lying.

Equius looked at her stoically. "Yes, which is among the reasons why I must make your protection a high priority. The highblood is becoming increasingly volatile and murderous as we remain stranded in this laboratory. I command you to steer clear of him, do you understand?"

Nepeta's jaw almost hit the floor. She was used to Equius bossing her around, but this time he was going too far!

"I would prefer you hide," Equius continued, oblivious.

"Hide? Where?" Nepeta shot back, regretting the obvious sharpness in her tone. Thankfully, he did not seem to notice.

"Behind that door," Equius answered, gesturing behind him.

"Door? What door? What are you talking about?" Nepeta asked, forcing a giggle into her voice.

"I mean the grate over there, you goshdarned sillyface!" he replied.

"Oh, okay!" Nepeta conceded, seeing the grate to the vents behind him.

"I will now seek the highblood, Nepeta," Equius said after a few moments, as way of bidding her adieu. "I command you to go hide, as we discussed."

"Sure!" Nepeta replied cheerfully. She was about to turn away when she considered the fact that perhaps Equius was right, and Gamzee was actually trouble. So she added, "Just don't stick your neck out and take any big risks!"

"I will exact caution," he assured her. "Even so, I would still like the opportunity to say…." He trailed off.

"What?" Nepeta said casually, heart beating quickly.

"Goodbye," he finished, with a deep breath and a peculiar expression on his face. He really believed there was grave danger, Nepeta realized.

"Well, okay. Goodbye," she tenderly replied. "But you had better believe I will see you again soon, Equius!" With that, she pecked him on the cheek and scurried off into the air vents.


	18. Chapter 18: Incapable

The air vents first led to a long passageway. At the end of that was another grate. Nepeta looked through it. On the floor of the room before her were several decapitated scalemates. Written on the wall in rust-colored blood was the word _honk_. Nepeta blinked, beginning to heed Equius warnings.

She continued left, all the while thinking of Gamzee. Caring, sweet, thoughtful, generous, loving Gamzee. He could never be "murderous," as Equius had described him. Could he? Another grate was built into the right of the passage up ahead. Peeking through, Nepeta saw the same color of blood painted on the walls, except this time, the message read _are you next?_ Her blood ran cold.

Moving on, the passage turned left and dead-ended in a grate. She knew Equius wouldn't like her leaving the vents, but she needed to know what was going on. There was a small room with two transportalizer pads, with jade blood in footprints between them. One was broken. The other didn't work anyway. So Nepeta entered another grate at the far end of the room. This passage just went forward, stretching out seemingly forever in the darkness.

Nepeta crawled along the vent. Usually it was calming to be in the air vents. It was her place. Somewhere no one else went. But somehow, now it felt wrong. After a while, she could see a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. She spied another grate, again manufacturing a dead end.

Peering through the metal bars, Nepeta saw Equius and Gamzee, standing face to face on the roof. _Oh good, Equius found him_, Nepeta thought. Gamzee looked normal enough. Except why was he holding one of Equius bows?

Nepeta's face turned into a mask of horror as Gamzee pulled back the bow and shot Equius through the leg. Blue blood splattered onto the roof as Equius fell onto one knee, as if kneeling before the clown. Nepeta could see the beads of sweat running down her moirails face, but she was frozen in place, unable to so much as blink or breathe. It couldn't be happening. She was absolutely incapable of processing this deadly turn of events.

She watched in terror as Gamzee snapped Equius' bow right in half and bent over him, fangs bared. Honks echoed through the air. Gamzee held fast onto the severed limbs of the bow and looped the string around Equius' neck. He lurched back suddenly, tightening the pull of the strings, as Equius' face slowly turned a sickly shade of blue, and he fell back on the grey concrete.

Gamzee threw the bow down in disgust and wiped his hands on his polka-dot pants. He moved as if possessed. Nepeta snapped into reality, eyes wide, and realized this dream she was having was real. She had to act on it. Her moirail was dead on the floor.

Her moirail was dead on the floor.

_Equius was dead on the floor._

_ EQUIUS… WAS DEAD._


	19. Chapter 19: Traitor

**Author's Note: Wow, this chapter is amazingly depressing. But stay tuned for the epilogue. Purrlease. Even if I just ripped out your hopes and dreams and ran them over with a lawn mower.**

The thought finally forced its way into Nepeta's brain, and a whole new kind of fear and torment gripped her like a steel claw. It made her want to burst, stronger than the feelings brought on by the death of her lusus and her ancient love for Karkat combined.

And there was absolutely nothing Nepeta could do but…

The grate popped out from the wall and fell to the ground with a clang as Nepeta threw her body against it. Her claws flashed out and she pounced, tail streaming out behind her. From deep within her she uttered a deep guttural hiss, approaching Gamzee at rapid speeds. He was her matesprit, but at the same time he wasn't, and he had killed her moirail. Revenge had never been more necessary in all of time and space.

She flew through the air in almost slow motion, but all too soon she was just a foot away from Gamzee when, quick as lightning, he caught her wrist in his hand and bent it until it broke, all in one fluid motion.

As she hung in the air, suspended by some ungodly force, he pulled her closer and scraped her claws across his face, leaving three long scars that instantly began to bleed indigo. The blood trickled over his left eye and stuck to his smeared makeup, creating a sticky gel that coated his cheek. Once the scars stretched over the length of his face, he let go of her arm, and she fell to the ground.

In a crazed attempt to both raise her claws and cradle her injured wrist in her other arm, Nepeta flung about. Eventually she contented with scrambling backwards as her aggressor advanced on her slowly. Her insides felt like both ice and fire.

His tortuous, leisurely approach only served to further increase her terror. Every fighting instinct in her body screamed for her to fight back, but she was glued in place. The clown bent down and lowered his face so it was directly level with hers.

He regarded her coolly, a red glow emancipating from the depths of his eyes. Suddenly, the light there flickered, changed. Gamzee blinked hard and looked at Nepeta again. One moment he was inches away, and the next he had stumbled back, arms forward as if protecting himself from her. Or her from him.

"Nepeta!" he gasped, staring at her with wide orange eyes. His clothing was torn and ripped, his body bruised and bleeding, but his mind had returned. "Nepeta, you have to motherfucking get out of here! Run!"

Nepeta simply stared. So some form of Gamzee was in there somewhere. Everything was suddenly clear to her. "You'd catch me anyway," she said simply, all emotion drained from her voice.

Gamzee nodded as if he understood. He crawled over to her, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her passionately, the blood on his face smearing on hers. "I love you, Nepeta Leijon," he whispered, his voice hoarse.

"I love you, too, Gamzee," she murmured, pressing her forehead against his for the last time.

In the top edge of her vision, orange changed to red and Gamzee was suddenly standing erect, looking down at her with a blaze in his eyes. All at once, the paralyzing fear returned. Nepeta leaped around him and ran to Equius, kneeling beside him and holding his hand. She heard the heavy footfalls coming up behind her, and felt the burn as her matesprit dealt the first blow to her skull.

She fell next to Equius, and lay there, holding the hand of her moirail and being beaten to death by her matesprit.

Her eyes closed. Her vision had long since failed her. The sounds ceased bombarding her ears, surrounding her with an eerie silence. Finally, she even stopped feeling the pain. The last sense to leave was the extreme desperation that gripped her heart, and the feeling of betrayal that resonated throughout her entire body.

And then, it was all gone.


	20. Epilogue: Olive Blood and Indigo Tears

A long, indiscernible time later…

A girl returns from adventuring across her rocky grey planet. She marvels at the large, colorful helium balloons floating above the ground. She intends to go back to her house, but she notices there is a figure standing casually on a refrigerator, placed randomly on her front lawn. She approaches the form cautiously.

It is a man in a ridiculous purple outfit, sporting grey and white face paint and two long, orange horns. He greets the girl enthusiastically, and explains that he is now her guide. She declines his offer, but he encourages her to reconsider. In response, she inquires as to who exactly the fuck he is. He does not reply.

After a few awkward moments, the girl begins to slip away, when finally the clown speaks.

"Would you like to buy some motherfucking potions?" he asks.

He happily displays his wares, seven different colors of potions, each priced at 420 boondollars. He promises fervently that all of the "wicked elixirs" are "motherfucking magic."

First, he offers the girl a bronze potion, rumored to cause you to spontaneously lose the use of your legs, yet become a fantastic kisser. The girl declines, yet he somehow manages to slip some into her hands as she stares at him, baffled.

The next potion is fuchsia, and renowned for its healing abilities. In an attempt to escape, the girl reluctantly buys a few.

Then, he insists on showing the girl a cobalt potion, which bestows the drinker with amazing luck! The girl will have none of it…or, apparently she will.

Yet another potion! This time it is gold, and is said to make you an excellent hacker. It also substitutes for grub sauce. Before the girl can decline, he hands her several bottles.

A violet potion is next. It causes you to frantically pine after everyone you meet, as well as act like an idiot. The girl protests, but somehow ends up with quite a few. The girl politely asks the clown to cease this madness.

But the clown continues, handing her a bottle of blue potion, claiming that it will make you astonishingly strong. The girl eventually shrugs and gives in.

"What's that last potion do?" she asks, knowing the clown was about to tout it at her anyway. He glances down at it.

"What, this?" he repeats, picking it up and inspecting the contents. "It's." He pauses, and when he continues, his voice is thin. "It's a motherfucking love potion."

Without warning, the clown shoves the bottle into the girl's hands, and turns away for just a moment. If she had been paying better attention, she would have noticed him wipe away a single tear.


End file.
